I'm a mess when it comes to decision making involving my life. Seriously... why do I have to make decision abt uncertain things?? Hadoilaaa... kalau decision regarding financial... it's okay sebab I could base on some data to back it up. But when it comes to my life... adoilaaa.. nk base on apa ker??

I hate this.. Mata dh super duper mengantuk.. but my brain doesn't seem like she want to have a rest. Badan dh super duper penat nie. T_T

Kalaulaa at this very moment prince charles masuk meminang I.. I could easily say yes.. Then all my problems solve.. hahaha.. *jokes*. Naa.. that would just means I'm running away.

Nak tido.. Nak tido...

This must had been one of the most hectic week I've ever experienced in my life...

Monday :- Nothing much... except that I had my first ACCA exams in the evening. It was.... hmpphh.. Let me put this way.. "I was hoping for an excellent result before, but now.. all I'm asking for is PASS". *praying hard*

Tuesday :- Pretty normal.. except that I had to cut down my library time.. Got to sent Danial to his squash tournament at ASTAKA. Ohh.. n Dalilah received the official letter from MARA for an offer to pursue her studies at the new MRSM Baling, Kedah. She was definitely over the clouds when she received it.

Wednesday :- I received a birthday cake order early in the morning. Alhamdulillah.. Went out to BWY, Puchong to buy some 'assets'. Need to go to Klinik Kesihatan Kelana Jaya as well, to enquire and book an appointment for Nur Dalilah's medical check up.Halfway through.. to be exact on our way back frm BWY, received a call frm my mom.. 'suruh balik rumah skrg jugak'. It appears that, a distant relatives of mine passed away in a car accident. *innalillah* So, the whole plan changed. Need to pick up ayah frm LRT Kelana Jaya, then br prg the clinic n then baru they will go n visit. Sounds perfect... n it wasn't even peak hour yet. So I assume there will be no traffic... apparently, I am wrong. Gila ahhh the traffic. 1 hour okay from Kelana Jaya to Subang Jaya... itu pun Diana dh jd 'Michael Schumacher' dah whenever I can...

Thursday :- Need to bake the cakes n cupcakes. Ada delivery to Subang Alam malam ni. The problem is the theme of the cupcake is "Good To C U" to be given to the male boss. Gosh... I was clueless. One whole day duk pk nk buat apa laa nie~ I really hope Kak Marina likes it. Ibu need to pick up my grandma frm my mak long hse in Bukit Bandaraya, Shah Alam. They came back around 2. Ohhh.. I've bake the cake in the meantime n suddenly cake tuhh x jd.. n I dunno why~ Nvm still got time.. boleh bersabar lagi. Suddenly Danial was saying dia sakit perut n keep on screaming. When we fed him with water he says it's painful. We got panic.. bawak dia prg klinik kt depan rumah nie.. n then Dr bg referral letter to go to the hospital sebab dia suspect 'appendics'. Ohhhkayy~

Now, I'm getting nervous. Ibu suruh tinggal rumah.. to complete the baking n all.. They went to DEMC in the first place. Tp DEMC reject bcoz apparently the hospital is FULL !!!!!!!!! N I don't know why.. instead of SDMC or SMC.. my mom drove all the way to UH @ PPUM. So he went to EMERGENCY... n guess what??? Smp sana dlm kul 3.30 like dat... kul 5 pun belum jumpa doctor lg.. n then buat test segala.. kena tunggu 3 jam b4 dpt result. N finally... by 11 p.m. like dat Danial confirm appendics n kena operate esok pg. I was like o_O.. Kalau laa appendics tue pecah.. x ker giler?? So ayah balik frm hospital, we packed several stuff for both Danial n Ibu. Waktu tu pun Danial x dpt ward lg.. sebab bed FULL n dia kena tido kt emergency room. Huisy.. ramainyer yer orang sakit sekarang nie.

Btw, I deliver the cake with my lil sis that nite. Nasib baik x sesat~

Friday :- My day starts as early as 5.15 in the morning. Kena kejut Dalilah bgn sahur utk ganti puasa dia before off she went to MRSM. Then sent Dinie to the bus stop. Buat kek... n then kul 8.00 prg SMKSJ to request for an official letter stating that Danial is indeed a student of the school. For what purpose.. I have no idea. Ibu suruh amik.. pergi jerla~ Waktu prg, kek dalam oven, bila balik..... MY CAKE X JD JUGAK !!!!!!!!!!!! *waktu nie dh rasa nk nangis sgt2*. Dah start nk gelabah.. sebab cake nie nk kena deliver mlm nie. Kena think of another plan. For sure, x boleh guna dah resipi nie. In the meantime, deco cupcake yg another order dulu... Received a call frm ibu, cakap Danial dh nk masuk OT dah. Ayah pun nk gerak prg hsptl dah.. Siap jer deco cuppies tuhh.. Diana pecut prg putra heights sebab nk amik EI n then terus prg Giant putra heights utk beli necessary stuff nk buat another set of cake. Kepala otak mmg serabut. Bawak kereta toksah ckpla.. pecut giler2. By 12 dh smp rumah balik. Call ayah... n ayah ckp Danial dh klua dh n dh masuk ward dh. Esok discharge. Then only I tell the news to my grandma. Bake the new set of cake.. n now dalam oven. Alhamdulillah.. looks okay to me rite now. Tapi Diana x sempat dh nk buat roses guna icing tuhh. Beli jer gum paste roses. Ohhh~ I still haven't revise enough for my next 2 paper nie. *cuak tp redha jerla*. So that's why guna all instant jer skrg~

Saturday n Sunday x tau lg camner rupanyer~ Please no more drama.. Dah penat dah~ Diana nak study quietly jer now~ Tp byk lg x settle nie. Dalilah punyer stuff to asrama pun x beli lg~

But overall, mcm sedikit kagum dgn diri sndr. Diana bangun pg kul 5.15 tuhh~ Usually 6.30 kot for subuh prayer. Well considering the fact that I slept at 2 a.m. n bgn kul 5 a.m. that is something to me. So Diana, see it's nt that you cannot do it.. it's just that you don't want to.

how am i suppose to know that I am making the right decision?

of course laa saya x kn tahu kan?? it's obvious isn't it.. selagi u haven't experienced it.. u won't know.

to be honest.. saya sangat takut dgn keputusan yang saya dh buat. quite a rush decision. but based on past experience... kalau ikut cakap ibu n ayah insya'allah everything will turn out fine.. makanyer, pasrah dan bertawakkal sahajalah.

i guess i need my schoolbag once again~ ^_^

baru bekerja sebulan setengah... tue pun part time jer. tp xdela part time mana... sibuk mengalahkan org kerja office hour jer rasanya.

dahla begitu.. tiba2 laptop bercadang hendak bermanja-manja kembali.. bila laptop sudah selesai bermanja.. wireless detector dan internet rumah pula bercadang hendak menyambung proses bermanja. Allahu akbar. Mujurlah saya sendiri mmg x berkesempatan untuk online langsung2. bila weekend jer.. yg penting hanya rasa seperti hendak merehatkan badan. sungguh.. bekerja di kedai kek nie sangat2 penat yer. tak senang yer hendak men'deco' dan membuat kek ini. Rehat ker? xdela jugak.. macam banyak jer undangan perkahwinan yang perlu dipenuhi. Ada saja aktiviti2 yang perlu diselesaikan.

Bukan hendak merungut.. cuma terkadang.. terasa sedikit sepi + ralat. Makanan untuk badan tak pernah lupa.. tapi makanan untuk hati macam dilupakan. Lama sangat rasanya since the last day saya mendengar ceramah agama. Yer, memanglah boleh dengar through radio.. tapi lain rasanya. Usrah pun dah lama tinggal.. *sigh*

Mana nak cari yer?? Bukan x nak join.. tapi kerja saya x sama seperti pekerjaan orang lain. Kalau time banyak order.. jangan harap nak boleh balik awal. Kalau boleh mmg sgt2 nak join usrah.. tapi nanti kalau x dpt bg commitment...lg rasa sedeyh + bersalah. Makanya... dengar sahajalah ceramah di radio I.K.I.M ^_^.

Sabar yer Diana... Insya'allah behind a cloud there will always be a silver lining.

Alhamdulillah..

Sungguh saya sangat2 bersyukur sebab Petronas still x panggil saya untuk kerja lagi. Mmg betul macam yang ibu cakap.. 'Allah dah rancang semuanya sempurna untuk awak'. *degil betul Diana*

If offer tue datang sekarang.. which mean I would be in Permata for PIPE rite now kan??.. I seriously dun think I could handle all this together. Sungguh, ujian kali ini bukan seperti biasa... when I thought I've had the most difficult ever with my final sem + graduation thingy, this appears to be wayyyyy difficult. SERIOUSLY !!

Sungguh saya betul2 bersyukur dengan takdir yang telah Allah tentukan ini. I seriously couldn't ask for more. All I've got to do now.. brace myself and face wutever that is in front of me. Allah tahu saya boleh go through all this kan.. He definitely knows me better than I know myself.

Ya Allah aku mohon sangat2 padaMu kurniakan aku kekuatan untuk aku hadapi semua ini Ya Allah..

Itu adalah tajuk cerekarama yang saya tonton di laman web youtube.com tadi. Sebenarnya, tidak berniat pun hendak menonton drama itu, tapi seperti biasa.. saya 'berjalan-jalan' di laman web tersebut dan akhirnya saya terpaut untuk menonton cerekarama tersebut.. kerana tajuknya yang saya kira cukup mencuit hati. Comel bukan?? ^_^

Saya kira, cerekarama itu pasti ditayangkan sewaktu sambutan hari ibu tahun ini. Jalan ceritanya sangat menarik.. lain daripada biasa. Sangat2 menghiburkan. Cerekarama tersebut dibintangi oleh Arash Muhammad dan Fauziah Dato' Ahamad Daud sebagai teraju utamanya dan dibantu jua oleh beberapa artis lain. Antaranya, Nora Danish.

NO... I am not going to be a film critics now. Langsung tak berkeinginan sebegitu.

What I'm going to say is that.. saya sangat suka dengan watak yang dilakonkan oleh Ogy. Dia melakonkan watak sebagai seorang ibu yang serba boleh. She had a very successful business, she does not have any maid in her house, she managed her own house. Basically she did all the stuff and she is describe as a 'super woman'. Her life motto was ' Keep smiling eventhough when ur heart hurts'.

Sejujurnya, saya sangat kagum dengan watak itu.. dan saya benar2 ingin menjadi sebegitu suatu hari nanti. Insya'Allah jika diizinkan olehNya. Seboleh mungkin saya ingin menjadi seorang mama yang ceria, berfikiran positif sentiasa, cool, can do everything on her own, and never ever complained. Apa yang lebih menarik.. watak mama dalam cerita ini digambarkan sebagai seorang yang keep on giving without hoping for any rewards from her family... well I know that's how a Muslim should behave actually.. but.. I ain't perfect. Kadang2 saya sendiri nak pertolongan saya dibalas.. kadangkala.. saya prnh juga merungut bila di saat saya memerlukan bantuan tiada sesiapa yang sudi menolong, walhal saya pernah menolong mereka di suatu saat dan ketika yang lalu. *bad attitude*. Banyak lagi yang saya kena ubah jika saya ingin menjadi mama seperti dalam cerita ini. I ain't a positive thinker to be honest.. memang sentiasa negative. (anis + intan syaz confirm agree). BUT that shouldn't stop me from trying to be one. Yer.. yer saya tahu dari dulu lagi.. I keep on saying I want to improve my behaviour.. tp x jadi2 jugak kan??

Well.. I have to keep on trying kan?? Kalau saya nak jadi mama yang strong.. yang xkn pernah show her probs in front of her kids.. I have to start practise frm now on kan?? I will definitely do it. Cerekarama ini benar2 membuka mata saya. ^_^ This is also hidayah Allah bukan..

Just pray for me that I'll manage to improve my attitude and in the meanwhile I'll do my part as well.*hikhikhik*

Last weekend I was fortunate enough to witness an engagement of my secondary school friend and followed by a wedding of my cousin on the next day. I am happy for them.. but deep down I felt jealous (maybe??) and sad (T_T)...

This shouldn't happened. I should not felt sad. Initially I kinda hesitate to go to the wedding. Don't get me wrong.. I love wedding. Every single bit of it. I love wedding preparation so much to the extend that I dream of preparing my own wedding from scratch. Honestly, I kinda want to DIY everything.. but I know that's pretty impossible.:silly:

Now.. my dream wedding is nt the main topic here.. the main thing is that I'm having a swing feeling because of this occassion. Haih.. boleh x kalau saya nak buat statement.." I will get married to whoever yang masuk meminang first?? " ... S.U.M.P.A.H saya akan kena cepuk dengan parents saya if they knew abt this type of decision making.. hikhikhik. Wahai hati, kenapa nak kena sedih?? kenapa nk kena cemburu?? U perfectly know ur situation rite now kan?? Masalah betulla budak yang bernama Nur Diana nie kan??

Why is this happening? Kenapa saya kena go through all this roller coaster emotion? And why can't people around me stop asking the question jugak?? Can't blame them can I?? To make the matter even worse, every single day without fail I would browse through the bride to be's blog.. Lagila saya cemburu bukan. Ada ke patut.. saya cemburu dengan masjid yang akan didirikan oleh umat Muhammad yang lain. Patutnya saya bergembira untuk mereka dan mendoakan yang terbaik buat mereka bukan??

I know.. I know.. I am so hard to understand. Ohh.. pardon me for being one. But this is my journey of being myself. Wutever that happen now, is sth that will shape me for a better me in the future. [Apa yang saya merepek skrg nie??]

Ok.. I should stop now when my words still make sense though. Daa..

Alhamdulillah.. saya masih diberi kesempatan untuk bernafas dan menikmati rahmat yang dikurnikanNya di muka bumi ini.

Alhamdulillah..

Yup.. today is my 23rd birthday. Sudah hampir suku abad rupanya saya. Amal x banyak mana jugak~

To me, birthday is suatu hari yang sangat bermakna dalam hidup.. and bolehla jugak antara hari yang paling penting dlm kalendar hidup saya. Kenapa??

Sebab... pada tarikh ini, 23 tahun yang lalu ada seorang insan yang berjuang antara hidup dan mati untuk melahirkan saya. Bagi saya, on your birthday, the person yang we should celebrate is not you/ yourself but your parents. Coz without mom, saya xkan dapat peluang pun untuk lihat dunia ini. Not forgetting my dad.. of courselah kan... xde ayah dan ibu.. Nur Diana binti Zulkarnain xkn wujud pun di muka bumi ini.

Semoga dengan bertambahnya usia saya ini, saya akan lebih matang dalam kehidupan. Semoga dengan pertambahan usia ini juga, saya akan menjadi seorang insan yang lebih baik. Semoga saya menjadi seorang anak yang mampu dibanggakan, anak yang solehah, cucu yang baik, kakak yang penyayang, rakan yang setia dan isteri dan ibu yang terbaik untuk future husband and anak2 saya nanti insya'Allah. Paling penting.. of courselah menjadi hambaNya yang beriman dan bertakwa.

Thanks ayah n ibu, for tremendous effort, prayers, money and support untuk kak long. Thanks angah, achik n adik for always cheering me up when i'm down. Thanks tok.. sebab jaga kak long waktu kak long kecik2 dulu. Since I was born till now~ Takkan mampu along nak balas jasa korang, walau along jadi orang terkaya dalam dunia nie pun.. All I can do.. titipkan doa kepada Allah supaya diberi ganjaran yang setimpal untuk kalian.

To those who send their wishes and prayers.. sungguh saya sangat terharu. Saya bertuah kerana dikurniakan rakan2 + sahabat seperti kalian. Thanks for being my friends. I truly appreciate it. Terima kasih banyak2... hanya Allah yang dapat membalas.

yup.. Nur Diana dah 23 tahun... another extraordinary year I hope. Semoga rezeki dipermudahkan n ditambahkan. Semoga encik Petronas panggil saya bekerja~ *aminnn* Semoga saya dapat buat ACCA saya jugak~ Semoga Allah kurniakan takdir yang terbaik untuk saya.. ^_^

Bila makin dewasa nie.. [chewahh 'makin dewasa'...*hik3~*] lgsg xde keinginan untuk dapatkan hadiah macam waktu kecik2 dulu. Cumanya.. sangat mengharap doa dari family dan rakan2~. Cukuplah dengan doa. Lebih dari cukup sebenarnya.. ^_^.

Maka, Nur Diana Zulkarnain.. it's the start of sth new.. a new chapter of your life is abt to open, Go for it.. Jangan takut untuk gagal Diana~ Hanya dengan kegagalan.. akan tercetusnya kejayaan. Dengan syarat.. jangan sesekali kamu berputus asa. Go Diana !!! May u become a stronger person. Kamu tak perlu menjadi seorang yang luar biasa.. cukuplah menjadi insan biasa yang mempunyai semangat yang luar biasa.. ^_^