It's hard to make the first move huh??
I kinda have decided on the things that I wanna do after this.. let's just hope it's the right one. One is my passion and the other.. well let's just say I kinda go with the flow.
I hope it's wise turning my hobbies and interest into careers.
Ibu.. I'll help you as I've promised you.. ^_^
Do it step by step Diana.. eventhough it's a small steps. At least you are moving..
aja aja fighting... fighto-oh.. chaiyokk.. ganbate nei diana-chan
Don't mind the title.. can't think of any proper one..
:sigh: 22 days to go..
22 days to go till I meet my mirror image (^_^)
22 days to go till I re-unite with my dear family
22 days to go till I have a taste of 'home'
22 days to go till I know the truth
22 days to go till I break my daily routine..
22 days till I leave the place where I've experienced countless up and downs in my life.
22 days till I might last step on LHR [which I really hope is NOT..]
Ever heard of a saying that say " a happy memories will make u cry AND a sad memories will make u smile"
I dun understand those before.. but rite now I understand it. Totally get it.
I'm gonna miss lots of things..
I guess now, I can no longer complaint on the cold weather. I can no longer complaint on how cold it was during winter. I'll not have the chance to wear my winter clothes ever again. My flatmates won't complaint abt the temperature of my room. I can't complain abt the 'matahari tipu' again.
I can't walkaround the city alone again.. [ I bet ibu won't allow me to walk around KL alone..] I can't hop on the hopper bus anymore.. No more Subway Veggie Patty.. No more ChipBox.. No more Padrino's.. No more Desi Express.. No more Ahmed.. No more ASDA.. No more Primark.. No more CarBoot.. Now it'll goes back to the same old Sunway Pyramid .. MV [mid valley] ... KLCC .. etc
Funny how feelings work on you huh?? I used to want to go back home all the time.. Now I felt sad when I know that I might not be coming back here again~ That's sad.. the thought of you leaving forever the place where u've familiar with. I am anticipating my journey back home.. but I am sure that I'm gonna shed tears at Heathrow. I am leaving but I don't know when I'll ever come back again~ I really hope I will.
doshite Diana-chan??
Huhuhu...
I think I had a minor brain shocked ker hapa ker..
I seriously dunno what's wrong with me tapi kan.. macam telah banyak melupakan perkara2 yang kalau suatu ketika dahulu, insya'allah saya xkan lupa~
Best example... I keep getting people's name mixed up.
Aritue, nama anak sedara kak ilya.. sepatutnya Isyraf.. Diana prg sebut Asyraf laa plak...
N today nama anak sedara a friend of mine... sepatutnya Dania.. Diana prg sebut Damya...
Is there anything I should be worried about my dear medical student frenz~ ??
Haha.. I'm being paranoid~
Tp mmg mcm a bit pelik + lil worrisome for me, since apa yang Diana fikir x sama dgn apa yang Diana cakap.
Adakah ini kesan daripada excessive thinking yg sedang saya lakukan + external pressure yang sedang saya letakkan pada diri saya~
Byk jer lagi yg happened.. tapi those 2 mcm leave quite a huge impact on me.
Alhamdulillah, both of them arrived safely this afternoon at Heathrow.
Sangat mencuakkan tau.. bila diorg still x klua2 lagi after about 50 minutes flight landed. Kakak dia yang mmg dh gelabah semedang nie start laa fikir yang bukan2. However, bila nampak jer Danial tolak trolley klua followed by Dinie, sangat rasa bersyukur. Almost cried... it's been 9 months since I last met them. Sangat2 rindu~
Kesian diorang.. sgt2 penat. From heathrow, we took underground, piccadily line straight to Green Park n from there, change to Victoria line plak to Victoria coach station. Sebab nk jimat punyer pasal, naikla bas.. It took 3 hours to reach Nottingham. Both of them mmg dh flat out.
Sekarang nie, dedua terus tidur lepas dinner. Kecoh giler Room D, Flat 29 okay~.. Gomen nei flatmates.. Sigh.. How I miss them~
Rite now.. I have 2 sweet, cute lil intruders in my room and I am enjoying every single bit of it. [confirm next week, Heathrow banjir]. My knights in shining armour are here...and I am one happy princess..*wink*
Thank you. Arigatou gozaimasu. Khamsamnida. Jazakillah. Terima kasih
buat...
1. my mom n dad - yang x pernah jemu menasihati saya n lifting up my spirit bila saya mmg dh drained sgt2 sebenarnyer. for never ever giving up on me.. I couldn't thank both of you enough. for crying with me when I am sad, for worrying about me when I am being a brat.. I am sorry. Without both of you, I dun think I could make it.
2. my siblings.. although they might nt really understand what I'm going through currently, simply thanks for cheering me up when I'm sad with their 'lawak bodoh'. Sungguh.. sangat2 rindu.
3. my 'everything' - for being there for me. for never failed to put a smile on my face. for always making me cry when i don't want to despite the fact that I need to do so. although the distance really killing us, simply thanks for being who you are. it's been only 5 years.. but I felt as if I've known u eversince.
4. my room C flatmate - simply thanks for hearing my whining.. my -ve thoughts.. seriously thanks. Although results x dpt lg kan~ n we didn't know yet.. tp serious thanks for helping me to go through the dreadful 14 days.
5. my T***** - babe, thanks for the encouragement. couldn't asked for more. sumpah rindu gell~ Thanks sangat2 for all the advices.
6. my chomell senior - kak I***... thanks akak. serious, sangat2 berterima kasih kat akak~ Maybe you don't have the idea how ur words change my perception, how ur words helps me to motivate myself. Thanks akak~ Lama giler dah x jumpa akak... 9 years dah kan??
7. my sweet ex-chaletmate.. thanks n thanks.. n thanks.. for being you.. for simply being there when I am in the most crucial state. Nasib baikla birm n notts x jauh mana tau~ Lepas nie, jarang2 dahla boleh jumpa kau kan~ Gonna miss you badly.
Conversation 1:-
yours truely : x tahula N****, aku tau kena bersangka baik dengan perancangan Allah semua. Tapi kadang2 dalam diri aku nie ada 2 separate entity tau. Aku tahu semua, yang Allah x kan uji hamba2Nya dengan ujian yang kita x mampu etc.. tp nnt akan ada satu entity lagi yang macam cakap... "kalau Allah sayang.. kenapa Allah x mudahkan perjalanan hidup aku??"
N**** : D, percayalah cakap aku.. Allah sayang kau. Sentiasala bersangka baik dengan perancangan Allah. Apa yang kita rasa baik untuk kita tue mungkin bukan yang terbaik untuk kita.
yours truely : x taula~ aku dh letih. i'm drained.
Conversation 2:-
yours truly : ibu... *sob*sob* along rasa along macam x dpt ******** jer bu..
ibu : kak long, jangan fikir bukan2. Insya'Allah as long as u dh usaha, dh doa n tawakkal. The outcome kita kena redha. Bersangka baikla dengan perancangan Allah.
yours truely : tp kenapa Allah nk kena uji kak long macam nie??
ibu : Allah sayang kak long. Maybe u thought this is the best.. but Allah lebih tahu. Perancangan Allah itu lebih baik dari perancangan manusia.
yours truely : Nasib baik along nie beragama Islam.. agaknya kalau x.. God knows what I gonna do rite now. Maybe dh terjun bangunan dah kot ~
ibu : Hahahahaha... kak long nie, tue baru Allah uji sikit. Orang lain rugi juta2 xde plak diorg buat perangai macam tuhh.
yours truely: haih.. ibu, x sama laa diorg dh ada duit juta2 lagi dlm bank diorg. Along mana ada duit dalam bank~
Conversation 3:
kak I*** : Diana, it's nt the end of the world yet kalau x dpt ******** ... Besides dah confirm ker u can't do so..??
yours truley : Belum lagi.. it's basically just my assumption jer skrg nie.
kak I*** : Hah !! jangan fikir bukan2.
yours truely : Tapi kak ilya, kalau boleh pun tapi macam serupa x pyh jer.. sedeyh jugak~
kak I*** : Diana, ur situation n my situation xde bezanyer. But I continue my journey... n Alhamdulillah it pays back now.
yours truely : Boleh ker akak??
kak I*** : Boleh..
______________________________________________________________
Banyak jer lagi conversation yang ada sbnrnyer. From my A***, my A******, semua betul2 truly try to lift my spirits up. My flatmate yg sentiasa dengar my merepek nie.. Serious Thanks.
Selama nie, selalu terfikir.. kalau betul Allah sayang saya kenapa Dia nak bagi benda yang saya x suka kat saya?? Kenapa Dia x bagi benda yang kita suka. Sebab manusia secara normalnya akan bagi benda yang terbaik untuk org2 yang dia sayang kan?
I personally would do everything I could to ensure my loved ones are happy, secure and rasa disayangi. Seboleh mungkin x nak they felt dissappointed or heartbroken or sad disebabkan oleh saya. Tapi macam ibu saya cakap, perancangan Allah itu lebih baik. Tak pernah langsung saya merancang untuk menyusahkan kedua ibu bapa saya. Thus, everytime saya rasa saya menyusahkan diorang atau perlu menyusahkan diorang.. saya akan rasa sangat2 bersalah. I always blame myself for that. Yerla.. like "eee.. budak nie, dah besar2 pun nk dependent to her parents lagi".. Masalahnyer, I'll continue to be a burden to them after this. Hontoni gomen nei... ayah and ibu. Along x pernah ada intention pun nak buat macam tuhh.
Tapi, sayang Allah itu berbeza sedikit caranya. Ini mengikut tafsiran saya sahaja. Macam kawan2 n ibu saya cakap.. Allah uji kita sebab Allah sayang kita. N I asked my mom back.. kalau Allah sayang kenapa Allah uji macam nie. [Diana.. suka hati la Allah nak uji kamu macam mana.. kamu tue Hamba dia kot. Bukan kamu yang bertuankan Allah but it's the other way round OK !!!] <<-- jangan ikut perangai ni tau x_x .. back to the discussion... My mom cakap, mungkin sebab kita lalai pada Dia. so the true laa. Allah sayang kat kita.. Allah x nak Hamba2 dia masuk neraka sebab tue Allah bagi ujian kat kita. Sebab bila kita diuji, kita akan ingat Allah kan?? kita akan menangis, kita akan doa banyak2 n kita akan sangat2 merapatkan diri pada Allah. Kan Allah dah cakap, setapak kita mendekati dia, 10 tapak lagi dia melangkah mendekati kita. Besides, setiap doa yang kita minta tue Allah kabulkan dengan 3 cara.. 1st - Allah bagi terus.. 2nd - Allah tangguhkan dulu, dan bagi pada waktu yang sesuai.. 3rd - Allah x bagi langsung. Tapi Allah gantikan dengan yang lebih baik. Dan hikmah yang ada di sebalik setiap kejadian hanya kita akan ketahui selepas itu.. Wujud juga kebarangkalian yang kita mungkin akan langsung x tahu di dunia nie~ wallahu'alam.
Tak tahula pencahayaan agung ker hapa ker.. tapi selama nie mmg saya dgr, saya patuh dan saya taat jer... tapi tadi baru2 betul2 terkesan di hati. Baru macam yakin yang Allah mmg betul sayang semua Hamba2Nya. Saya sebenarnya patut bersyukur sebab diuji. Sebabnya, Allah masih pandang saya, saya patut takut kalau Allah dah langsung x nk care pasal saya dah..[erk.. nau'zubillah] Macam ibu saya cakap.. ujian saya ni kecil sangat kalau nak dibandingkan dengan orang lain.. tapi riuhnya saya macam gaya saya laa yang paling teruk tgh alami skrg kan~
Therefore.. saya conclude that: "to be able to accept everything with an open heart is the key to everything. n my life definitely doesn't stop there.. my life journey masih panjang. I still have a lot to do.."
p/s: tiba2 kan saya rasa saya nak smbg bljr lgla smp doctorate kalau boleh. Lps tue jadi lecturer.. ajar accounting jer. Specialised in financial accounting jer. Tuhhlaa ibu, dulu ibu asyik nk suh along jadi lecturer... nie dh dtg interest nie. [ohh.. saya memang buat anything based on minat. kalau x minat, paksa laa sejuta kali pon x nak~]
