For now...all I need to do fake a smile on my face. I'll be fine. 

                                                          (13.03.1990 untill 21.02.2011)

Assalamualaikum...

It's been a long silence. Truth is I suffer a loss. One of my brother. I am yet to overcome the sadness/ grief till now. I lost a living garmin.. a car expert.. a game expert.. a gaduh partner.. an 'usik' partner and most importantly a BROTHER. Instead of us 4 we will now be left with only 3.

I cried like nobody business when I reach home after received the call. It felt so unreal. It doesn't look like he's dead. He looks like he's asleep. Only when you touch him you will know...n he's damn COLD.

I miss him. Really miss him...

Dear Nur Adrianis, thanks for coming.. really thanks and really appreciate it. Your hug really gave me strength to go through that painful day. Busuk..seriously thank you and I love you so much~

Dear Intan Syaz, thanks for flying all the way from Kertih for me. I know you're super duper busy with PPA going around and all dgn budget tight nyer. Seriously i'm out of words nk ckp terima kasih kat kau. Thanks sgt sebab cuti the next day.. Thanks sebab sanggup turun all the way frm Kertih. Sumpah aku xkn dpt balas jasa kau.

Dear Intan Nadia, thanks for coming for the tahlil with ur husband. Really grateful on your presence. Thank you sebab sanggup susah2 redah traffic to come to my hse. We knw hw bad traffic frm KLCC can be.

To others... thanks for the prayers and the doa. Hanya Allah dapat balas jasa kalian.

Dinie,

For all the kenduri I choose not to go and for all the cake orders I chose not to accept and for the exams I decide not to sit... It was all worth it. For all the penny spent on you...for all the tears fall down when you cried because of pain.. it was all worth it. For the sleepless night I had... it was worth it.

If and only if you can be here. Along nak peluk angah.. nak suap angah..nak laga hidung dengan angah..along nak tidur sebelah angah.. along nak jalan2 dengan angah.. But I can't do all those thing anymore kan.

Dear Dinie..
We'll meet in jannah insya'allah k. Please wait for me. Along nak jumpa angah lagi.. You will and forever will be my brother.

Ya Allah...

Why am I such a crybaby?? Tolonglah Ya Allah...aku mohon sangat2..redhakan aku dengan takdir yang telah engkau tetapkan untuk aku dan keluargaku. Aku mohon redhaMu.

Tolong Ya Allah peliharalah hatiku agar aku tidak mempersoalkan takdirMu..agar aku tidak mempersoalkan qada' dan qadarMu..

p/s: Anis..Diana betul2 x larat dah~..Can I switch place with him. I can't bear to watch it. 

Yesterday, at 10.00 a.m camtue, Dalilah officially left the house for MRSM Baling.

Giler susah nk control tears. Nak nangis giler2.. tp sabar jerlaa~

All I said to her... " Don't cry.." n her replies.. "I won't.." It's actually a mantra for me.. I can't cry. Obviously...~

Bukan dia nk prg mana pun.. nk further study jer pun.

Deep inside my heart I hope she came back. Tapi x baik kan doa camtue.. I should doa for her safety for her happiness n for her success.

Nasib baik smlm sgt hectic. I was moving around KL the whole day. So my mind was a bit off. Xdela terfikir sgt pasal her nt being here.

Tp while driving smlm.. as usual on the radio.. normal station fly.fm. Dalilah memorize most of the songs there.. She would normally sing along with the songs. Semalam byk laa plak her fav songs. Biler dgr jer, mst terdetik jer dlm hati.. "this is her fav songs.." n then mula laa nk nangis. But I can't.. ada 2 org budak lelaki yg giler x gentleman dlm keta tuhh~ *bluekkk*

Lps nie dh xde dah nk hntr n amik adik frm KUMON. No sending n picking her up from tuition. No squash practice for her anymore. No teman for me at any kenduri anymore... No more budak kecik in the hse. Jarang dh dpt usik adik~ Dh xde rumate.. dh x boleh membebel kt dia bila dia sepahkan almari baju. Giler sunyi~ Sebulan sekali jer boleh gaduh dgn dia~

I know.. sooner or later she'll leave the house jugak. But I don't expect it to be this soon. I mean she's only 13.... All of us are against her decision.. but dia punyer degil.. Nauzubillah hi min zalik... Extremely degil. She wins.

I hope she'll be fine over there. I hope she'll excel in her studies. Semoga Allah melindungi dia.

*i'll miss her T_T*

This must had been one of the most hectic week I've ever experienced in my life...

Monday :- Nothing much... except that I had my first ACCA exams in the evening. It was.... hmpphh.. Let me put this way.. "I was hoping for an excellent result before, but now.. all I'm asking for is PASS". *praying hard*

Tuesday :- Pretty normal.. except that I had to cut down my library time.. Got to sent Danial to his squash tournament at ASTAKA. Ohh.. n Dalilah received the official letter from MARA for an offer to pursue her studies at the new MRSM Baling, Kedah. She was definitely over the clouds when she received it.

Wednesday :- I received a birthday cake order early in the morning. Alhamdulillah.. Went out to BWY, Puchong to buy some 'assets'. Need to go to Klinik Kesihatan Kelana Jaya as well, to enquire and book an appointment for Nur Dalilah's medical check up.Halfway through.. to be exact on our way back frm BWY, received a call frm my mom.. 'suruh balik rumah skrg jugak'. It appears that, a distant relatives of mine passed away in a car accident. *innalillah* So, the whole plan changed. Need to pick up ayah frm LRT Kelana Jaya, then br prg the clinic n then baru they will go n visit. Sounds perfect... n it wasn't even peak hour yet. So I assume there will be no traffic... apparently, I am wrong. Gila ahhh the traffic. 1 hour okay from Kelana Jaya to Subang Jaya... itu pun Diana dh jd 'Michael Schumacher' dah whenever I can...

Thursday :- Need to bake the cakes n cupcakes. Ada delivery to Subang Alam malam ni. The problem is the theme of the cupcake is "Good To C U" to be given to the male boss. Gosh... I was clueless. One whole day duk pk nk buat apa laa nie~ I really hope Kak Marina likes it. Ibu need to pick up my grandma frm my mak long hse in Bukit Bandaraya, Shah Alam. They came back around 2. Ohhh.. I've bake the cake in the meantime n suddenly cake tuhh x jd.. n I dunno why~ Nvm still got time.. boleh bersabar lagi. Suddenly Danial was saying dia sakit perut n keep on screaming. When we fed him with water he says it's painful. We got panic.. bawak dia prg klinik kt depan rumah nie.. n then Dr bg referral letter to go to the hospital sebab dia suspect 'appendics'. Ohhhkayy~

Now, I'm getting nervous. Ibu suruh tinggal rumah.. to complete the baking n all.. They went to DEMC in the first place. Tp DEMC reject bcoz apparently the hospital is FULL !!!!!!!!! N I don't know why.. instead of SDMC or SMC.. my mom drove all the way to UH @ PPUM. So he went to EMERGENCY... n guess what??? Smp sana dlm kul 3.30 like dat... kul 5 pun belum jumpa doctor lg.. n then buat test segala.. kena tunggu 3 jam b4 dpt result. N finally... by 11 p.m. like dat Danial confirm appendics n kena operate esok pg. I was like o_O.. Kalau laa appendics tue pecah.. x ker giler?? So ayah balik frm hospital, we packed several stuff for both Danial n Ibu. Waktu tu pun Danial x dpt ward lg.. sebab bed FULL n dia kena tido kt emergency room. Huisy.. ramainyer yer orang sakit sekarang nie.

Btw, I deliver the cake with my lil sis that nite. Nasib baik x sesat~

Friday :- My day starts as early as 5.15 in the morning. Kena kejut Dalilah bgn sahur utk ganti puasa dia before off she went to MRSM. Then sent Dinie to the bus stop. Buat kek... n then kul 8.00 prg SMKSJ to request for an official letter stating that Danial is indeed a student of the school. For what purpose.. I have no idea. Ibu suruh amik.. pergi jerla~ Waktu prg, kek dalam oven, bila balik..... MY CAKE X JD JUGAK !!!!!!!!!!!! *waktu nie dh rasa nk nangis sgt2*. Dah start nk gelabah.. sebab cake nie nk kena deliver mlm nie. Kena think of another plan. For sure, x boleh guna dah resipi nie. In the meantime, deco cupcake yg another order dulu... Received a call frm ibu, cakap Danial dh nk masuk OT dah. Ayah pun nk gerak prg hsptl dah.. Siap jer deco cuppies tuhh.. Diana pecut prg putra heights sebab nk amik EI n then terus prg Giant putra heights utk beli necessary stuff nk buat another set of cake. Kepala otak mmg serabut. Bawak kereta toksah ckpla.. pecut giler2. By 12 dh smp rumah balik. Call ayah... n ayah ckp Danial dh klua dh n dh masuk ward dh. Esok discharge. Then only I tell the news to my grandma. Bake the new set of cake.. n now dalam oven. Alhamdulillah.. looks okay to me rite now. Tapi Diana x sempat dh nk buat roses guna icing tuhh. Beli jer gum paste roses. Ohhh~ I still haven't revise enough for my next 2 paper nie. *cuak tp redha jerla*. So that's why guna all instant jer skrg~

Saturday n Sunday x tau lg camner rupanyer~ Please no more drama.. Dah penat dah~ Diana nak study quietly jer now~ Tp byk lg x settle nie. Dalilah punyer stuff to asrama pun x beli lg~

But overall, mcm sedikit kagum dgn diri sndr. Diana bangun pg kul 5.15 tuhh~ Usually 6.30 kot for subuh prayer. Well considering the fact that I slept at 2 a.m. n bgn kul 5 a.m. that is something to me. So Diana, see it's nt that you cannot do it.. it's just that you don't want to.

Alhamdulillah, both of them arrived safely this afternoon at Heathrow.
Sangat mencuakkan tau.. bila diorg still x klua2 lagi after about 50 minutes flight landed. Kakak dia yang mmg dh gelabah semedang nie start laa fikir yang bukan2. However, bila nampak jer Danial tolak trolley klua followed by Dinie, sangat rasa bersyukur. Almost cried... it's been 9 months since I last met them. Sangat2 rindu~

Kesian diorang.. sgt2 penat. From heathrow, we took underground, piccadily line straight to Green Park n from there, change to Victoria line plak to Victoria coach station. Sebab nk jimat punyer pasal, naikla bas.. It took 3 hours to reach Nottingham. Both of them mmg dh flat out.

Sekarang nie, dedua terus tidur lepas dinner. Kecoh giler Room D, Flat 29 okay~.. Gomen nei flatmates.. Sigh.. How I miss them~

Rite now.. I have 2 sweet, cute lil intruders in my room and I am enjoying every single bit of it. [confirm next week, Heathrow banjir]. My knights in shining armour are here...and I am one happy princess..*wink*